Overwhelmed with Joy

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.

Psalm 28:7

I began praying last April that the Lord would give me a word or theme for 2018. A word that would give me resolve in difficult times, a word that would motivate me to run my race well, a word that would encourage me. In December, I found myself daily pouring over Psalm 37. As I put it to memory, a word jumped off the page at me, and the day after that word came to light, it also flashed across the screen in large letters at a church plant we happened to be visiting. This particular Sunday I was feeling a bit out of my element and a bit emotional, like I was on the verge of tears, not because of sadness, but because my heart was full. God had recently called Mark and I to plant a church in Ridgefield, Washington. It was so hard to step away from all we had at First Baptist Church, Longview. It was our second Sunday since stepping down from ministry there to follow God's call and we found ourselves in Missouri (our roots) with family that we had missed so much, visiting the church plant of one of Mark's pastor friends. He had a special history with this friend. Not long after Mark and I came to Wentzville, Mark met with Jeremy who was planting a church in a nearby town. They both had the same office...Panera Bread Company. As I looked around Jeremy's church plant, my heart was so blessed. The lapse of time since our last visit made God's work in their midst even more obvious.  It was so encouraging to see their growth along with their new building and all the many ways that God had blessed them. I rejoiced with them! And here we were... our second Sunday being removed from all we had known the last 4.5 years and on the precipice of planting another church. Honestly, other than the Lord's vote of confidence, I wasn't sure I had another one in me, but then that word flashed up on the screen. TRUST. That's my word this year. I've already applied it in so many ways. Trust when you don't know what the result of your best effort will be. Trust that the Lord will finish what you start. Trust in the Lord and do what you know is good, even when others don’t. Commit your way to Him and trust in God to vindicate you when others falsely say evil things against you. Trust that God is good and so are His plans for you. Trust.

Romans 15:13 says "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Sometimes maintaining a focus takes great effort. The enemy sends his flaming arrows of doubt and distraction hoping to instill fear in our hearts, because he knows fear is the opposite of faith, and faith, well faith is a powerful weapon. Trust is a choice. When fear floods my senses, trust is a choice and that trust is not in an outcome, it's in the character of my God. He holds. He is good. He is worthy of my trust. I've been working hard to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. To keep choosing trust daily, in and out. I've noticed a pattern. Many times on the heels of a spiritual victory, darts of fear and discouragement are hurled my way before I've even had time to revel in what God just did. We have an enemy who wants us to stay slaves to fear. Trust is a choice and I've been working hard to make that choice when everything in me wants to panic. As I've trusted in Him with my heart, I’ve felt Him helping me, strengthening me in my inner man. 

Today, the Lord surprised me as I was running. The sky was so blue, the sun was out and the air was so fresh. It felt amazing outside. I felt so alive. Halfway into my run, a worship song I had sung just the night before with those in our new church plant began playing. As I ran to the music, reflected on the sweet time of fellowship with those in my church and looked around the neighborhood where I have been asking God to show up and pour out His Holy Spirit, my heart soared. I was filled, with overwhelming joy and found myself running full out, arms extended and palms up, with tears (of joy) one after another leaving my eyes. I was just overcome. As the song came to a close, I praised God for filling me with unexpected joy, for all He had already done and for all I long to see Him accomplish.

Why do I share? People who know me would agree I am much more of a feeler than a thinker, yet even though that's true, my faith is so much more to me than a string of emotional experiences. There are those who live for that next emotional high to their spiritual detriment. They seek an experience more than the One who gives them. First and foremost, God has given us His word, and His instruction, precepts and guidance are found in the words of Scripture and then there is faith. Faith is believing without seeing, and time and time again in Scripture you see that people exercised faith and "then" had an experience with God afterwards. The experience affirmed their faith, and not the other way around.  So all this to say, that I share this because recently God brought a verse to my attention 4 times in one day. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your strength, all your soul and all your mind." Luke 10:27 Honestly, I was a little hurt that he brought it to my attention so much. "Don't you think I love you God?” but over time as I prayed over it and thought about and tried to apply it, I felt like God was helping me grow in truly applying all the facets of this verse. One morning, during this time, I read a quote by Beth Moore, "This is the God who can make us feel what we don't...because He is life and what He invades, He infuses. What He permeates, He activates." I asked God to help me feel love for Him and to help me love Him with all my heart, soul, strength and mind. Yes, love is a choice and I had been believing, trusting and exercising faith in new ways, but love is also a feeling and in a true loving relationship, their is the commitment aspect and there is also the feeling of love. As I ran, I knew that God was answering the prayer I had prayed. It was so unexpected. It just came over me like waves of love do. As I sensed His love and filled with joy, I was indeed infused and permeated with His presence. Before I had even realized it, my heart, mind, soul and body responded to Him in worship. I am so thankful for a personal Savior who hears our heartfelt prayers, helps us in our weaknesses and blesses us with His loving presence.